Defeated

Like I said its been one of those days...  I am was feeling so defeated, so broken and alone...  As you may know Treycen is a challenge, he is Strong, stubborn, mean, and exhausting...  Everyday is battle with him, he never listens, he hits, he says mean things and he is constantly screaming at me...  I feel felt defeated, nothing seems to be working, I try all of these things, I have read all these books and asked so much advice on what to do and how to do it...  I feel as though everyone is judging me, criticising me, blaming me for all the wrong of Treycen and his behavior...  I am always looking at my friends kids, sisters kids, sister in laws kids, and asking myself what are they doing right, their kids are sweet, loving well mannered and such good behaved children...  I tell myself it must be me, I am lacking the parent jean and its all my fault...  I need to be a stronger person, have more patience, be a better wife, friend, sister, etc.  Well today being one of those days I had this negative weight hanging over my head and I had to go into work and me being the kind of person I am, I try and be positive and happy and not wear my feelings on my sleeve...  Well my co worker and I got talking about life, friendships, children, marriage and I finally broke down and told her how defeated I felt and how nothing I do seems to be working and she is such a positive, inspiring person she gave me some great advice and said this quote to me "God gives the hardest trials to those with the strongest character" I started to cry and felt this huge weight I've been carrying around just slowly disappear...  That was the best compliment I have ever received in my life and I just wanted to say thank you Ashley for reminding me that I can do this, and there is a reason god chose me to be Treycen's mom...  I know Treycen will be a daily challenge and we will have our bad days and I will just want to quit and give up but I truly believe that we will work on this together and Treycen will grow up to be the most successful, loving, talented man and he will do great things in this world and someone, someday will ask me "Wow, Treycen is amazing, how did you raise such a great man"? And in that moment I will remember how hard it was and how all my long days and nights were all for this moment in time...  Ashley was my angel tonight, just when I had nothing left to give she inspired me to be the person God knows I was meant to be and be the mother that he chose for Treycen... 

I love you my sweet, caring little boy and you are so amazing and so very special...